Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting

Review from Echo

Excuse Me Your Soul Mate is Waiting by Marla Martenson, Hampton Roads, 2007, ppbk 170 pages. $15.95. 

While it might be a tragedy that about 50% of the married divorce, it might be considered somewhat of a miracle that the other 50% stay together. The numbers might be improved, assuming staying together is the more desirable option. If we spent time carefully selecting a mate and could meet a good number of potential partners to choose from, Marla Martenson has lots of suggestions on how we might be more successful. She renders the whole process of choosing a mate more objective. She should know, she has been running a matchmaking service in Los Angeles for years. Her type of approach is likely to be quicker and more comfortable and successful than a dating service. An alternative is to engage a competent astrologer to look at your charts. The astrologer should be able to tell you where you are compatible and where you are not. I had this comparison performed and it was right on. Our problems are more objective rather than willfully assumed. But you have to meet the mate first.

Assuming you want to meet a mate, Martenson strongly recommends adopting the four point process of The Secret, The Law of Attraction. In brief: 1. Name what you don't want, 2. Name what you do want. 3. Feel what you want. 4. Allow it to happen.

The emphasis here is on who you want rather than on how to meet them. Virtually all the "how to" of connecting with a suitable partner is internal to the searcher as opposed to external efforts such as cruising either bars, churches or internet dating sites. Such 'meet markets" are too hit-and-miss for Martenson. She suggests experiencers with such processes convert the searchers into becoming their own victims.

Victimization is a case of feeling ill-done to by the world when things don’t work out. Martenson suggests one of the most important things you can do is to work on yourself to feel good (regardless of your couple status).

Writing down what you really want in a soul mate is one helpful suggestion she offers. Then you get yourself into a feeling state that feels as if you have already achieved your goal. This idea of getting yourself into a feeling state of success applies to all kinds of situations such as improved health, getting a good job, getting along with your children, being comfortable with yourself, etc. You actually bring yourself to feel as if the objective is accomplished now and such a feeling state creates positive vibes for potential mates. A declaration or vibe of victimhood communicates a low unattractive energy frequency and sends potential partners running. It is not just a matter of thinking positively, you have to feel positive. Nourishing your own soul might be another way to look at it. You are the creator of your universe. Feelings of anger, disappointment, sadness, fear and the like tell you your vibes are low or dense and therefore unattractive, at least at the soul level. Knowing this is the first step to changing it.

Martenson has suggested lists of 'don't wants" and "do wants" that the searcher might list for herself. She also has lots of warning signs signifying the likelihood of failure or success. For example, early ‘bedding’ is more likely to result in an early parting than is patience with intimacy. She suggests the emphasis should not be so much on searching for a mate as on attracting one.

One does this by feeling and believing one's soul mate is on the way; allowing it to happen rather than forcing it. "When you are doing your inner work, your soul mate will just come to you." states Martenson. She further suggests, "It is with the mindset of having a great time, learning something new, or having a new experience … that enables you to ‘magically’ meet the right person." On the contrary, she says, if you are, "… desperately trying to make it happen," you reduce the chances that you will meet a compatible partner. Martenson claims you are more likely to meet a suitable mate if you are not attached to the outcome. It sounds un-American to me. After all we are taught to set goals and go for them all out, like winning a race. Want some love in your life? Well, we are advised, go out and grab it. Though love is what we are ultimately seeking in a relationship we cannot grab it. We have to learn to harness the energies of love. Martenson is of the opinion that, "Our earthly mission is to expand our capacity to love along the way." Lead from our hearts, not our heads.

The book explains how it is important to relate to others for the right reasons and how we can figure out what are the right reasons for us. Better healthy alone than sick together she suggests. She offers suggestions on how we might improve our capacity for love and questions how attractive a soul mate we are. She even talks about how we might get ready for our soul mate when they appear, e.g. setting the dinner table for her before you even know her. Another of her section headings reads "How to give the heave ho" to a "No go."

Finally towards the end of the book, Martenson addresses a variety of questions on such topics as equality, honesty, who pays, how to make a good impression, how to ditch a creepy date, if he’s so great why is he single, and many more. She even compares and contrasts internet dating with match-making, to the advantage of the latter of course, her point being you get a lot more feedback and coaching with the latter.