There is a way to recover from the loss of a child.

Susan Gilbert and Suzanne Redfern offer a way for grieving parents to connect with others like themselves in their book, The Grieving Garden. Bereaved parents Gilbert and Redfern include their own experiences dealing with grief alongside twenty other parents' stories, creating an affecting collection of memories and comfort.

Redfern's own efforts to deal with the loss of her daughter Mimi to lung cancer in 1999 led to the formation of the idea for the book. She struggled to find solace from how-to and religious cheerleading books dealing with grief. In the preface of The Grieving Garden, Redfern writes, "After my daughter Aimee died in 1999 of lung cancer, at 32, I scoured every self-help and grief section of our local book stores in a frenzied quest after some sort of life-line.  I soon realized that what I needed wasn’t information, but company, and that it wasn’t to be found on those shelves.”  Redfern determined that if she could not find this company she needed, she would create it, and The Grieving Garden was born. Susan Gilbert, whose daughter Amanda was killed in 1993 in a van rollover, agreed to co-author the book and the two set the project in motion.

The Grieving Garden is separated into five parts, each discussing a different issue commonly faced by bereaved parents. From those five parts, the book is further divided into chapters, each of which pose a question and then offer answers to those questions.  Following Part V, a biographical index is included which introduces the twenty-two parents whose responses make up the collection. 

I remember thinking,“it’s got to get better.” And so I faced one day at a time, not trying to plan too far ahead, as I usually did. My horizons were shortened, and I tried to focus on getting through tonight, this afternoon, this week. Many of my activities were automatic, but there were times when I simply ceased to function, when I was so overwhelmed with sadness that it was an effort to breathe. I took long walks, deep breaths, and wrote thank you letters. It didn’t get better, but it got different. The tears became fewer. I started resuming work and activities, going through the motions of normality. But aching inside. Still.

—Contributor Anne Logan, on the loss of her daughter Virginia

The Grieving Garden does not promise to provide instant relief from the pain of grief and loss.  But through hearing the experiences of parents like themselves, Gilbert and Redfern have learned to celebrate the lives of their deceased children and reflect on how they have enriched their own lives. The Grieving Garden brings parents isolated by the death of their children into the company of others walking the same path.

Susan Gilbert was born and raised in a New York City suburb. She attended the University of Chicago and received a BS from New York University. Following her undergraduate education, Sue settled in the San Francisco Bay Area and received her MS in counseling psychology from Santa Clara, met her husband, Keith Gilbert, and they had a daughter, Amanda. Sue is very active in the community, serving on a board for the San Francisco homeless. She is also an avid walker, reader, and lover of good conversation.  Sue currently lives in Palo Alto, California.

Suzanne Redfern grew up in Dos Palos, a small farming town in the San Joaquin Valley. She received a BA in Political Science from Standford University. Upon graduation she married classmate John LeCompte, with whom she had three children, Aimee (Mimi), Peter, and John David. Currently, Suzanne is president of her father’s company, Redfern Ranches. In 2004 Suzanne re-married, to publisher Robert West. They live in Palo Alto and on the ranch.

April 2008 ● Self-Help ●ISBN 978-1-57174-581-1 ● Trade Paper ● $16.95